How Are We Doing? Part 9

How Are We Doing? Part 9
Friday, January 17, 2025 by Dr. James W. Walraven

Categories: Contemporary issues / Encouraging words / Scripture discussion / Spiritual deception / The church / Thought for Today / Truth telling

Love of self or love of God: which predominates in our lives?

Have you heard of sologamy? There is a growing trend among wealthy single women to marry themselves. Among those who’ve done it, one commonality is the belief that they’ve never been able to find someone good enough to be worthy of marrying them. Indeed, by marrying one’s self, it is reputed to demonstrate a positive healthy attitude towards one’s own being.

Sologamy does appear to be something new. The first known incidence of it occurred in 1993. Perhaps the most famous person who ended up marrying herself was Britney Spears. Kubra Aykut from Turkey had over one million followers, although she died tragically, probably a suicide. Kshama Bindu in India is another prominent example. She stated that she always wanted to be a bride, but not a wife. Although a few non-binary identifying—what would biologically be described as males—have done it, the trend is predominantly female.

Objectively, what is sologamy? It is one of the more extreme forms of narcissism. Biblically, self-absorption should not surprise us. For a non-Christian, love of self rules, period. For us as believers, hopefully “self” is no longer in charge.

2 Timothy 3:1–5 (NAU): For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

That is a fairly severe nasty list, isn’t it? What is at the head? Lovers of self, and second, lovers of money. We surely observe that in the sologamy movement. It is also telling that on social media many women are demanding that if they were to marry, their spouse would need to make at least in the mid six figures, a number that eliminates almost all men from the start.

Looking at the list as a whole, that describes all too many people, both men and women, doesn’t it? Ingratitude is big. As we’ve talked many times, hatred is the new love. Pleasure trumps God. Yet, a form of godliness remains. How many people claim to be spiritual, particularly spiritual, but not religious? Twenty-two percent. How many claim to be religious without being spiritual? Ten percent. Combined, that’s 32% of the population. Even with money, one can be poor and still obsessed with it. The love of money isn’t limited to the rich.

Do we see anything on that list that might apply to us?

God has much to say about life that revolves around self-love. On the one hand, a love of self is common to everyone, including believers. Jesus stated, referencing Leviticus 19:18, “This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:38–40, NAU). Love of self is a given.

We see a parallel situation in Ephesians 5:28–29 (NAU): “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.”

So what is the problem? In 1 Timothy 3:1–5, the problem is revealed in the phrase “rather than lovers of God.” Self rules in the place of God.

The question is, How do we change? How do we make certain that Christ is on the throne of our hearts, and not we, ourselves? We’ll turn to that question in the next post.

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