Musical Notes and Thoughts

The other night I did a brief double-bass recital for a men’s Bible study. The results were a mixed bag, but the most important part—the worship focus part—went well. God’s presence was evident, and at least one person was truly touched by God.

Overall, I’ve been discouraged of late, for reasons I don’t care to go into, and in my practice session this evening, I suddenly gave in to all the emotional stuff I’d been feeling. At that point, even though I was working on a piece I’d played many times, my playing completely fell apart. I couldn’t remember anything about that piece: I was floundering.

I think it took about 20 minutes before I fully realized those were the consequences of what I had done. The only solution was to confess my sin of doing that, repent, and get back to trusting God in my playing.

Some may be surprised that I consider what I did a sin. After all, musicians are supposed to play with their emotions engaged. If emotions aren’t engaged, playing is typically mechanical and sterile, dull and boring.

But what is the driving force behind our playing? Is it God or self? When we get completely wrapped up in our emotions, self dominates, not God. Biblically, every good thing we have is a gift from God, from playing music to baking bread and laying bricks. Nothing good is from self. Thus, when we get wrapped up in our “selves” when playing, we can easily be guilty of the sin of idolatry, which in the end, is what I think was going on here.

For my playing to truly be of ministry value, God needs to be at the center of it. As the end of Romans 11 tells us, all things are from, through, and to, God. We get into trouble when we lose sight of that.

Hopefully, I’ve learned my lesson.